I came across an article this morning, with the title: “10 Reasons Why It’s AWESOME To Be Single!!”, and I was all like “Oh yeah, this is going to be goooood!”…
It wasn’t. Actually, it was so disappointingly lacking that I just HAD to write my own. Because, this isn’t some poor attempt at covering up my ultimate despair, or trying to make up for something when there’s no other choice… It actually is SO AWESOME to be single!
Number 1. = There’s a common saying that goes around my family, which I’m proud to say I started: “You get to eat ALL of the Cheesecake!”. Now, just so we’re clear, you don’t HAVE to eat all of the Cheesecake. The point I’m making is that you COULD, if you wanted to. You know when there’s one slice left (it doesn’t have to be Cheesecake, if you’re not a fan, it could be MudCake, Oreo/TimTam, or the last piece of Camembert…mmmm Camembert…whatever you desire) and you really, really want it? But you’re nice and you offer it to your other half, half hoping they’ll say “No, you can have it…”. We all know, majority of the time that niceness usually comes back to bite you and you have to sit there watching as they finish off that amazing last piece as your tummy grumbles with distaste at your stupid manners.
Compromise, there is none of that when you’re single. You get the last piece, you get ALL of the pieces and you don’t have to feel bad about it until you step on the scales the next morning.
Number 2. = An entire Queen size bed ALL to yourself. You can sleep on whatever side you like, ALL of the sides if you so wish. There’s no blanket stealing or what I like to call “The Air Tunnel of Doom” (you know, that little bit inbetween the 2 of you that lets that huge gush of freezing cold air in?). You can cocoon yourself in blankets without worrying about anyone else’s comfort. Also, if you’re into this kind of thing, your coverlet can be bright pink with fairies on it, you can have fluffy, sparkly cushions and sleep with your favourite Hello Kitty toy and NOBODY will ever know………oh.
Number 3. = You can spend ALL of the money. You know those awesome shoes you saw that you couldn’t really justify but would sell your soul to just look at them in your wardrobe? Okay, maybe you just felt like a new PS3 game, or a book, or an iPad? You see where I’m going with this… The only person you have to consult is yourself. And when you find yourself completely broke before payday, it’s okay…you don’t have to explain yourself to anyone. Also, you don’t have to worry about anyone ELSE going crazy with YOUR money!
Number 4. = ALL of the ‘Me Time’ you want. The best part of my day is when everyone else is asleep and I don’t have to worry about anything else other than what I want to do before bedtime. I like to curl up/sprawl out with a book or waste time staring into space or watch my favourite TV series/Movie or write or doodle or just get completely and utterly engrossed in Infomercials (Okay, that last one doesn’t happen, but it COULD if I wanted it to…).
Number 5. = You get to cook what you want and when you want. Obviously this will have to be SLIGHTLY modified if you have children like myself, but you get the gist. There were alot of things my past partners just wouldn’t allow me to cook. Like Salmon or Porcupines or Brussel Sprouts (yeah I’m weird like that but they’re good for you! Vitamins A, B6, C, E, K, Thiamin, Niacin, Riboflavin etc. Get on it.). When you’re single, you don’t have to modify your ingredients to suit anyone but yourself!!
Number 6. = You can have ALL of the friends! Boys, Girls, Animals(?), there’s nothing to feel guilty about and you don’t have to explain yourself to anyone! Come home at 2am or not at all! Drink yourself stupid, dance like nobody is watching and wear WHATEVER you want! Plus, you’ll have ALL of the time in the world to spend with them.
Number 7. = Go to the Movies by yourself! This relates alot back to Number 4, but I think it’s important enough to have its own paragraph. How many times did you have to go to a movie you REALLY didn’t want to see just to please your soulmate? Almost every time, there’s a movie on you would’ve loved to see instead, but, because you’re nice, you…that’s right…COMPROMISE. It doesn’t matter whether anyone else likes it, it doesn’t matter if you like it, you can go to see whatever you want and eat ALL of the popcorn! And feel great about it.
Number 8. = This is a weird one, but what the hey. There is no need to preen yourself JUST to please the opposite sex. As I said earlier, wear what you want! You haven’t shaved your legs? Chuck on some pants! You haven’t done your hair or makeup? WHAT-EV! Clipping toenails and waxing bits and pieces are now a thing of the past! Ha, don’t get me wrong, some of these things we obviously do for our own comfort and self-satisfaction…but that’s just it, isn’t it? Be a hippie.
Number 9. = NEVER feel obligated. You are your own nurse, your own chef, cleaner, chauffeur, happiness maker. Make 1 sandwich. Wash 1 set of clothes. Make 1 meal. (Again, some things have to be slightly modified for children but NO grubby man-socks or jocks! EVER!)
Number 10. = Okay, I can’t just stick to 10 reasons…there’s just too many!! So this is a roundabout wrap-up: The toilet seat stays down or up, however you like, toilet paper placement is your own, no anniversaries to remember, or birthdays, or in-laws to visit, no pregnancy scares, no wedding to plan, snore all you want, talk to yourself and be insane, sing as loudly and terribly as humanly possible, hog ALL the heater…and best of all, be happy and feel great about it!
Loneliness is one of the only down-sides but with the small amount of time that it may take up, it’s okay because it’s far outweighed by the awesomeness.
Singledom is where you can be as selfish as you like and not worry about anyone else’s feelings on the matter. No compromising, no sharing, no obligations and it’s okay if you think I’m awful for wanting to be this way. That’s YOUR problem.